Dear anyone who hears this I'm trapped upon the island The natives have gone wild and They're making bad decisions Very bad decisions It might be what you fed them It might be what you read them On the news at 10 cos They don't play well with others And can't process different colours You'd best batten down the hatches With fry ups and football matches And imperial restoration Why are you proud of the nation? Little England not Great Britain I am trapped upon the island And where are our fearless leaders? They surely won't deceive us With climate change deniers And Noah's Ark believers There's polar bears in Scotland There's vampires in London There's dinosaurs across the UK That I'd hoped had gone extinct And I can't believe it Or maybe I can I never did put it past you What have you done? You idiots, what have you gone and done? I'm trapped upon the island Ha ha whose idea was this? Cos I feel the joke is over But he's only done a runner And sold you down the river So let's hope you're a good swimmer And let's hope you don't eat dinner Let's hope you don't need nothing else Because you're dying in your own shit