A Fine Romance my good fellow. You take romance, I'll take jello. You' re calmer than the seals in the Arctic Ocean, At least they flap their fins to express emotion. A Fine Romance with no quarells, With no insults and all morals, I've never mussed the crease in your blue serge pants, I never get the chance; this is A Fine Romance! A Fine Romance with no kisses, A Fine Romance my friends this is, To lack half the thrills that a healthy crime has, We don't have half the thrills that the march of time has. A Fine Romance with no clinches, A Fine Romance with no flinches, You're just as hard to land as the Ile de France, I haven't got a chance. My heart isn't made of plastic, you're the reason I'm sarcastic; 'cause this is a fine fine romance!