Slowly, very slowly, the Acrobat wound her shiny white scarf around her husband's neck.
(MATILDA + ACROBAT)
"For luck, my love,"
(MATILDA)
- She said, kissing him with the gentlest of kisses.
(MATILDA + ACROBAT:)
"Smile, we have done this a thousand times."
(MATILDA:)
Then suddenly, she hugged him with the biggest hug in the world, so hard, that he felt she was going to hug all the air out of him.
And so they prepared themselves for the most dangerous feat that had ever been performed.
The great Escapologist had to escape from the cage, lean out, catch his wife with one hand, grab a fire extinguisher with the other, and put out the flames on her specially designed dress within 12 seconds, before they reached the dynamite, and blew his wife's head off!
(MRS PHELPS:)
Aah! Sorry, go on.
(MATILDA:)
The trick started well.
The moment the specially designed dress was set alight, the Acrobat swung into the air.
The crowd held their breath as she hurled over the sharks and spiky objects - one second, two seconds!
They watched as the flames crept up the dress - three seconds, four seconds!
She began to reach out her arms towards the cage - five seconds, six seconds!
Suddenly the padlocks pinged open, and the huge chains fell away - seven seconds, eight seconds!
The door flung open, and the Escapologist reached out one huge, muscled arms to catch his wife, and the child - nine seconds, ten seconds!
(MRS PHELPS:)
Oh, I can't look!
(MATILDA:)
Eleven seconds! And he grabs her hand, and, and, and suddenly, the flames are covered in foam, before they can both be blown to pieces.
(MRS PHELPS:)
Hooray! So the story does have a happy ending after all!
(MATILDA:)
No.
(MRS PHELPS:)
No?
(MATILDA:)
No. Maybe it was the thought of their child. Maybe it was nerves.
But the Escapologist used just a touch too much foam, and suddenly their hands became slippy, and she fell.
(MRS PHELPS:)
No... was she okay?
Did she survive?
(MATILDA:)
She broke every bone in her body, except for the ones at the ends of her little fingers.
She did manage to live long enough to have their child, but the effort was too great.
"Love our little girl," she said, "Love our daughter with all your heart.
She is all we have ever wanted."
(ACROBAT:)
"Love our girl, with everything, she is everything..."
(MATILDA:)
And then, she died.
And then, things got worse.
(MRS PHELPS:)
What? Worse? Oh no, Matilda, they can't get worse!
(MATILDA:)
I'm afraid they did! Because the Escapologist was so kind, that he never for one second blamed the evil sister for what had happened.
In fact, he asked her to move in and help look after his daughter!
She was nothing but cruel to the little girl, making her wash and iron and cook and clean, and beating her if she did a thing wrong!
But always in secret, so the Escapologist never suspected a thing!
And so, the poor little girl grew up with the meanest, cruelest, horriblest aunt you could possibly imagine!
(MRS PHELPS:)
Let's call the police!