Mark: "Hi, friends. Now just be honest about it, friends and neighbors.
Did you ever consider the possibility that your penis,
And in the case of many dignified ladies,
That size of the titties themselves might possibly
Provide elements of sub-conscious tension . . . "
Howard: See, the trouble here, Frank,
Lies in the fact that on that sheet it says "that size,"
It doesn't say "that the size" therefore it was . . .
FZ: Get a pencil and write in "that the size."
Mark: Could I have a . . .
Howard: Well, I'm sorry.
Mark: " . . . weird, twisted anxieties which could force a person
To become a politician, a policeman, a narc, a casket maker . . . "
Jeff?: An usher!
George?: A musician
Mark: "Or in the case of the ladies,
The ones that can't afford a silicone beef-up,
Become writers of hot books!"
Howard: "I placed my burning phallus between her quivering quim!"
Mark: "A carmelite nun!"
Howard: "She placed my burning phallus between her quivering quim!"
Mark: "Or jockeys!
There is no reason why you or your loved one should suffer.
Things are bad enough already without the size of your organs adding
Even more misery to the troubles of the world!
If you're a lady with munchkin tits,
You can console yourself with this age old line . . . "
FZ: No, "you can CONSOLE yourself"
Mark: "You can console yourself with this age old line from . . . "
Howard: Simmons!
POOO-HHH! POOO-AHH-AHH!
Mark: "And if you're a guy . . . "
Howard: "Anything over a mouthful is wasted!"
Mark: "And if you're a guy and you're ashamed of your dick
And somebody hits on you one night in a casual
Conversation and turns to you and says, uh . . . "
Howard: "Eight inches or less!"
Mark: "You just swivel right back around and look
The sonofabitch straight in the eyes, and say . . . "