Once I met a man He was walking awkwardly around His dog-leg turns And the diction of his hatred Impressed me While his telescopic wisdom And remaining actions Distressed me In any selection of events He would always find the best And in the event of fire He just grew through the hardware Hasty bastard He was trying to find That which eventually comes right So with bland indifference He fed me up And stuffed me into a greasy oven Saying, "should there ever be A shortage of some kind I'll have it covered And should there ever be a need It will be smothered" But in the resulting fire I just grew through the hardware Hasty bastard