I smile to trick the fear inside me I smile to seem like I'm improving But the brave grin does not go in A surface layer painted on the skin Of a body that is facing uncertainty Yesterday I chased a dream Now I just want to be able to sleep Suddenly riddled with incapability Funny how illness changes everything Never really believed in believing Until I had to believe I would get better And that was all I had, no knowledge or progress, Just hope, wafer thin hope Clung onto with a fist Must try not to damage it I must believe And even if I don't get better Thanks for sitting with me while I cried Thanks for easing the hours when I was too weak to stand Thanks for all the little detours where we wandered off together And found things more important than what we want Those are truly treasured moments And believe me I know That it's hard to have hope But I will try not to die until I am dead I will try not to die until I am dead I may be aching and exhausted but life's not over yet So it doesn't hurt to hope and it will never hurt to try Try not to die until you're dead