When I was looking through the hole in my pocket I found the ticket for the two-forty-five
Well I was broke and I decided to hawk it but my watch said it was quarter to five
Well my doctor's such a useful connection so I called in just to ask for the score
He gave me coca-cola under prescription and he told me...
Don't come back for more
I'll see ya later, I'll see ya later
I'll see ya later, I'll see ya later
And that might be too soon
Well I wandered to the phone on the corner just to ask about the national health
But the man at the Department Of Rumour said they tell me that it's not very well
Well I was leaving and I reached for the handle and the receiver fell right off of the wall
A man passing said you're a vandal and he told me...
What you need's a war
Called into the army recruitment, yeah I told them I was looking for fun
They said we haven't got a lot at the moment but there should be one in Africa soon
It's in the summer when the natives get restless and maybe I should call back in June
Of course we've always got the local in Belfast but it's our bet...
The next one's on the moon