(Ladies and gentlemen)
(Make some noise for Bo Burnham!)
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(Uh, thanks, um)
(Welcome to my show, it's called)
("If You Sing Along I'll Fucking Kill You")
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(Uh, this is the song)
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Everytime I go to dinner
It seems like I'm getting a little bit thinner
I'll sit down at the breakfast table
I can talk, they're not able
When I look at them, I find
There's a single question on their mind
I wish it could go back to the way it was
It's not easy now, because
My whole family thinks I'm gay
I guess it's always been that way
Maybe it's 'cause of the way that I walk
Makes them think I like boys
That I like boys
The goddamn question just won't go away
And, I get asked it every single day
But the way they ask it is not a disguise
Like "How was your day? Do you like to kiss guys?"
That's... funny
This is the worst, baby, this was my fear
Now, their opinions are crystal-clear, because
My whole family now is shocked
I'm in the closet and the door is locked
Now my glory days are gone
I was John Elway, now I'm Elton John
My whole family now suspects
That watching Spongebob had side-effects
I'm not gay, and that's what I said
If I'm gay, hey, God, strike me dead
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Just 'cause I'm afraid of the snow
Or my favorite color is: the rainbow!
I don't mean to yell, but I fear I must
'Cause I'm losing the people that I thought I could trust
Because even my boyfriend thinks I'm gay
Motherfuc-
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You all probably think I'm gay
Man, this song is counterproductive
La-la-la-la-la
Because my whole family thinks I'm gay
What do they know anyway?
You gotta look right through the haze
Easy-Bake Oven was just a phase
My whole family thinks I'm queer
That is all I ever hear
But I've been as straight as a ramp
If you don't count Bible camp
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(Thanks for coming out, uh)
(Hey, so, those ASU girls are pretty hot)
(Any of you, any of you?)
(Okay, this isn't a great example, but, um)
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(I'm just kidding, it's, you're in the dark)
(I couldn't see you, I bet you're gorgeous)
(In the dark)
(You like my shirt?) (Yeah)
(Um, back home they call me the tie-dye shirt kid)
(Well, that, and faggot)