I wrote this song for my lady If I had a hammer ♪ If I had a hammer I'd build a house for two And if I had a sailing ship I'd take a trip with you And if I had a poet's hand I'd write a verse for thee And if I had the painter's touch On canvas you would be But I don't have a hammer And I don't have a ship So I can't build a house And we can't take a trip And I'll never be a poet Nor have the painter's grace So I'll never write your verse Nor immortalize your face And also, I have herpes