Hey there, how you doing.
My name's Zach and I'm 30.
I shower once a week so there's a good chance that I'm dirty.
I'm a workaholic mental case.
I bite my fingernails until they bleed.
I like alcohol and weed but I hate cocaine and speed.
Greed turns me off, as does jealousy and vengeance.
When I do my taxes I claim zero dependents.
I'm a Virgo so I'm loyal but commitment terrifies me.
I love women but especially brunettes with brown eyes.
See, I'm impulsive, diplomatic, charismatic.
I like gettin' shit done but most of all I'm about having fun.
The ocean and the trees are my favorite MCs.
In high school it was the RZA before that it was Chuck D.
I must be lucky that I never caught an STD and, oh yes, I go to the Free Medical Clinic frequently.
I like to say '
I eat emcees and kill emcees', but really I'm just fed up because they're boring.
In short: I just don't feel emcees.
Real emcees to me are real people who live life just to enjoy, and never say '
Holler at your boy'.
I'm easily disappointed and I'm overly optimistic.
I fancy myself as sort of a spiritual mystic.
I'm not materialistic but I love my MPC-1000 and my record collection more than my best friends.
My mother and my father have given me so much love and unconditional support that I could never thank 'em enough.
My Dad put me through college.
He said, '
Son, you gotta do this one thing for me, and then after that, you're free.' So I did it.
I got myself a college degree.
I studied acting, art, religion, and philosophy.
There was no stopping me.
I was ready for the world, but then I started falling in love with crazy young girls.
So many hours spent screamin' and cryin'.
Heads and hands goin' through walls.
I kept tryin' to make sense of it all.
My brain was fryin' so I had to give it up because myself I was denyin'.
Now I'm flyin' across the country in a new van.
The Iowan American Anglo-Saxon human doin' it for you and you and you and you man.
Check my tour schedule for when I'm comin' through man.
So fuck a day job and fuck a wack-ass stage show.
I'm working my ass off even if I don't get paid, yo, so fuck a dollar bill.
I do this for the love and the experience, but also for the free drinks and drugs.