Jethro! Jethro!
Eh, what?
Ya deaf ol' coot!
What is it...?
You see what happened at the saloon?
I 'aint seen nothin'
Damndest thing I ever saw!
I 'aint ever seen nothin' like that!
I couldn't have been more surprised if my own mother
Turned out to be a raccoon in a hat, Jethro!
Jethro, you gotta hear what happened at the saloon!
What went down?
Oh mah gawd!
Yeah I got a story to tell ya...
The tale of the West.
The Weird, Weird West.
Listen a spell.
Let me explain.
A stranger rode into town with no horse-
No one knew what was stranger- His clothes or his walk.
They supposed he was dangerous- He showed them a painting
Of an ape in a suit that had ladies fainting.
But this was no bar of barflies and snitches-
These were men who pulled themselves up by their britches.
And women as tough as they were pretty,
As pretty as they were tough- And they WERE pretty.
And if this stranger had tried anything funny,
They'd have punched out his lights and taken his money.
But he went to the bar and he grabbed him a drink,
He downed it, demanded more, but before you could blink-
The bar fell silent.
Uneasy quiet.
The stranger regretted that drink once he tried it.
A shot of moonshine, and rattlesnake venom,
That belonged to Big Jake who then drew his weapon.
Take a look all around
Now you're in the Wild Wild West
But there's something kinda strange...
Not like the rest...
It's the Weird, Weird, Weird, Weird West!
The stranger said- "Stop-
Wait a second friend!"
"Let's be gentlemen, maybe even make amends!"
"A nice game of cards- the loser buys the winner dinner!"
Big Jakey just laughed- At cards he's no beginner.
All accross the bar relief on all their faces,
But as he delt, from the sleeve fell several aces.
And Jake's face fell, stood up, eyes narrow-
The stranger did a dance like a badly injured sparrow.
Jake struck first- Stranger duck- Jake missed
And punched one of three brothers, so while the stranger hid-
The brothers stood together- baddest men you've ever seen.
Jake's crew squared up- Evil, rude and mean.
Someone yelled out "FIGHT!"
Brothers came out swinging,
Bringing chaos to the bar- Dangerous men and women.
Bottles smashing, people flying, punches landing,
And when it was all done-
No one left standing.
They all went down- The good, bad, the unstable.
Finally the stranger came from underneath the table,
And in walked the Sherriff-
"Look, this fight is uncovered!"
There's a bowdown, Jake, and all Three Brothers-
And the others. Whoever went to get these guys,
I wanna look him in the eyes."
"I'm about to Deputise."
The stranger had gone. Best for everyone's sake.
No one knows where he went-
Or if he found his ape.
Take a look all around
Now you're in the Wild Wild West
But there's something kinda strange...
Not like the rest...
It's the Weird, Weird, Weird, Weird West!
"Well it's... It's definitely a different kinda West if you ask me..."
"It's a peculiar kinda West if you ask me..."
"Off-Character if you ask me!"
"Different is the word that comes to my mind..."
"Not normal is what comes to my mind..."
"It's Odd West are the words that come to my mind!"
"It's certainly a Wacky West."