Well, ya got trouble, my friends
Right here, i say trouble right here in river city
Why, sure, i'm a billiard player, certainly, mighty proud to say
I'm always mighty proud to say it
I consider that the hours i spend with a cue in my hand are golden
Help ya cultivate horse sense, and a cool head, and a keen eye
Ya ever try and take and give yourself an iron-clad leave to yourself from a three rail billiard shot
But just as i say it takes judgement, brains and maturity to score in a balkline game
I say that any boob can take and shove a ball in a pocket
And i call that sloth, the first big step on the road to the depths of degreda- i say first
Medicinal wine from a teaspoon, then beer from a bottle
Then the next thing ya know your son is playin' for money in a pinched-back suit
Listenin' to some big outta town jasper, hearin him tell about horse race gamblin'
Not a wholesome trottin' race, no, but a race where they set down, right on a horse
Like to see some stuck-up jockey boy settin' on dan patch, make him look-boy, well i should say
Now, friends lemme tell ya what i mean
Ya got one, two, three, four, five, six pockets on a table
Pockets that mark the difference between a gentleman and a bum
With a capital B and that rhymes with P and that stands for pool
And all week long your river city youth will be fritterin' away
I say, your young men'll be fritterin'
Fritterin' away their noontime, choretime, suppertime too
Get the ball in the pocket, nevermind gettin' dandelions pulled, or the screen door patched, or the beefsteak pounded
Nevermind pumpin' any water till your parents are caught with the sistern empty on a saturday night
And that's trouble, oh yes, you got lots and lots of trouble, i'm thinkin' of the kids in the knickerbockers, shirttailed young ones
Peekin' in the pool hall window after school
Ya got trouble, folks right here in river city
Trouble with a capital T and that rhymes with P and that stands for pool
Now, i know all you folks are the right kind of parents, i'm gonna be perfectly frank: wouldja like to know what kind of conversation goes on
While they're loafin' around that hall
They'll be tryin out Bevo, tryin' out Q-Bebs, tryin out Taylor Maids like cigarette feinds, and braggin' all about how they're gonna cover up a telltale breath with sensen
One fine night, they leave the pool, headin' for the dance at the armory, river teen men, and scarlet women, and ragtime, shameless music that'll grab your son, your daughter
With the arms of a jungle animal instinct, massteria
Friends, the idle brain is the devil's playground
Trouble! (oh, we got trouble)
Right here in river city (right here in river city)
With a capital T and that rhymes with P and that stands for pool! (that stands for pool)
We've surely got trouble (we've surely got trouble)
Right here in river city (right here)
Gotta figure out a way to keep the young ones moral after school (our children's children gonna have trouble)
*In background, Trouble is chanted*
Mothers of river city, heed the warning before it's too late
Watch for the telltale signs of corruption!
The moment your son leaves the house, does he rebuckle his knickerbockers below the knee?
Is there a nicotine stain on his index finger?
A dime novel hidden in the corncrib?
Is he memorizing jokes out of Captain Billy's Whizz-Bang?
Are cetain words creeping into his conversation, words like, "swell", and "so's your old man"?
If so, my friends,
Ya got trouble (oh, we got trouble)
Right here in river city (right here in river city)
With a capital T and that rhymes with P and that stands for pool (that stands for pool!)
We've surely got trouble (we've surely got trouble)
Right here in river city (right here)
Remember the main plymouth rock and the golden rule (our children's children gonna have trouble)
Oh, we got trouble
We're in terrible, terrible trouble
That game with the fifteen numbered balls is the devil's tool (devil's tool)
Aaaaah, we got trouble, trouble, trouble (oh yes, we got trouble, here, we got big, big trouble)
With a T (with a capital T)
Gotta rhyme it with P (that rhymes with P)
And that stands for pool (that stand for pool)