I'm worn out and weary
I ain't no machine
My head hurts, my feet hurts
And everything in between
I'm getting too old for the oldest profession
I'm getting too tired and too slow
I'm getting to old for the half hour session
I'm getting too old for a pro
I'm getting too old for to climb all those stairs, now
Half dozen times every night
I'm getting too old for to take 'em in pairs now
Or to take off my clothes in the light
I can't seem to manage those Shriners who manage
To manhandle me every trip
To tell you the truth
I've had so many Shriners that I'm up for membership
When I was 16 it was fun turning tricks
I needed the money, and I wanted some kicks
But I ain't 16; I just turned 26
It's time to come in from the cold
Looks like I'm getting too old
(26?)
(Watch your mouth now)
(You say you been in the life for ten years?)
(How many dates you figure you been on?)
(I don't know, but I, Lacey, get your calculator baby,)
(Let's figure it out)
(A'ight)
Say five johns a night, six nights a week
Of course that was back in my prime
That's 30 johns a week, 50 weeks a year
'Cause I always visit mama at Christmas time
So that's 30 times 50, multiplied by ten
Holy shit, let me do that again
After ten years in the trade, I really made the grade
It says here I've been laid by over 15 thousand men
(Lord have mercy)
I'm tired of doing those deadbeats and pikers
And haggling over the price
I'm tired of spending the weekends at Raikes
You never meet anyone nice
And I've done everything a body can do
But how goddamn much can a body go through?
I'm getting too old for the endless procession
I'm getting too old for the constant depression
I'm getting too old for the oldest profession
I'm getting too old for the life
I'm tired, tired, tired, tired
I'm weary
I'm getting too old for the, ohh
Ohh, ohh, for the life