Sharon got knocked up tried to hide it from her parents
Put off the procedure, because, see she was embarrassed
Pleaded "Doctor, help me!" at 8 months it isn't worth it
But baby Molly's healthy, Sharon died there in the stirrups
Now, Oxford was a slick talker, slippery as an eel
Watches in his trench coat, he'll give your ass a deal
Liked to play with shiny things he stole some shiny wheels
Then the owner pulled a shiny thing and spilled his final meal
Blaine was quite vain for his age, very matter-fact
Even had a job sweeping shop for the haberdasher
Wanted the perfect tan on his boat by the river
When they pulled him out the water, said: "This is one crispy critter."
June and Jim went camping, got lost in the forest
Heard a howl in the wind and wandered off with no torches
Climbed into a cave when they were drawn in by the warmth and
Now the wolf is sleeping fatter than a hog, here's the B: I've had to bury some imaginary friends
P: When all is said and done it doesn't matter they're pretend
B: So I'm spilling out my snifter every January 10th
P: Just to let 'em know that I was right there at the very end
Edmund had a pen-pal, Delilah Rocher
Sent her a proposal with a lilac bouquet
By the time it got there she was lying in a cold grave
And he waited for her answer till he died of old age
Randall was a handful, always walked to school with wet hair
Mom said: "You'll catch a death of cold before you get there!"
But he was smiling at his desk, when the teacher called his name...
Matthew played with matches and that school went up in flames
B: Klaus went spelunking down into a live volcano
P: Sam got salmonella from some old expired mayo
B: Magnus accidentally drank a half pint of Drain-o
P: Betsy flew her kite into an F5 tornado
B: Peter went missing on a cold Christmas Eve
Discovered next winter when they had the chimney cleaned
P: Claire took the dare and trick-or-treated the Connor house
Now her bones are in their garden and the story lives on, I'm out...
Hook