I made a best friend in Kindergarten
Because she had no one else
Her hair was coily
And I thought it was the coolest hair I'd ever seen
So I sat next to her
And we clung to each other like velcro, for years
Then I started feeling trapped with her
I wanted more friends
So in order to branch out, I had to leave her behind
I befriended a girl later who I had a venomous hatred for
For no reason other than jealousy
I felt bad about leaving best friend #1, and I still do
But I became so close with
This girl who I perceived as so evil
And we stayed neutral to the world together
Soon after, she wasn't gone but added to
Two new friends who I had known before
We reconvened in middle school
And the four of us stuck together until
I broke away to be with a girl I loved
And a guy who would break me
After getting him out of my life
I had nightmares of me and him in a park
In which he killed me for my
Then I turned to my old friends for help
Along with one I met in therapy
Then they all came back
I'm surrounded by all of my best friends
Except for the first one
My mother has had a best friend she had kept for decades
They met in elementary school
And now can't even imagine my own life without her
My mother wanted the same for me
A stable friendship that I would keep for my whole life
It never worked out for me
And she seems mad about it, especially about Best Friend #1
Trust me, I'm racked with guilt over her
I still wonder what would happen if we were still friends
But there's nothing I can do now
And if I could go back, I wouldn't change anything