Didn't know who I was
Where to go
Or how it started
Seeking guidance, I did not find it
Often soft-spoken
Around ones I wasn't comfortable with
Aimed my anger in the incorrect direction
Dispense your feelings
Even when no one's listening
Don't wanna be pretty good, considering
Wanna stand up completely unassisted
You wanna project
Instead of correct your actions
Release your inner tension
Try to see from my position
Kept it cool while you gaslit me
Used to view you as a deity
I'm not seeking an apology
Just some insight and knowledge
Regarding my biology
"I'm not a bad man or a monster"
I never said you were
But I'm beginning to think you are
I'm an earnest bastard with unchecked trauma
Who's asking you kindly to weaken your armor
If fathers furthered their feelings
Instead of writhing from them
We could have arrived at a better place
A better time
And I know that it's hard to
Reflect, admit and confide
But I find that being tightly clung to love
Like skin to a drum
Is preferable to being bound by despair
Still breathin' in the second hand
Of the toxic fumes you blew
Comin' to terms
Come and learn
That it's how you respond
To internal conflict
Intricately woven blanket
Fabricated
Haven't figured out how to hesitate
Lost the fervor of my youth
Expecting a child
To make all the calls
You're Shifting the blame again
That's the way it's always been
Attacks disguised as defense
I can sense your intent
I almost lost it
But I could not have left
Without gifting you this
Whole damn mess