My baby said it's over she don't love me anymore
She took the ring off of her finger said I'm filin' for divorce
She started runnin' round the house puttin' her name on all my things
Oh I get half of your records, from Mellencamp to Zeppelin
And half of your stupid baseball card collection
I get half of your gee-tars the Martin and the Gibson
And half of those rods that you use for fishin'
Oh I get half of the house and everything that's in it
Half of everything
Well I said baby you're crazy go and do what you need to do
But don't forget that I get half of your stuff too
I started runnin' round the house puttin' my name on all her things
Oh I get half of your shoes high heels and leather boots
And half of those designer bags you think are so darn cute
I get half of your jewelry the diamonds and the pearls
And half of those rollers you use to make your curls
Oh I get half of the house and everything that's in it
Half of everything
We came to a peaceful resolution
Like grown-ups often do
We divided everything
Evenly in two
Oh I got 30 inches of our 60-inch TV
She got the dryer I got the washin' machine
Oh and she got the right side of our double bed
And don't forget the dog oh we each got half of him
We got half of the house and everything that's in it
Half of everything
We got half of the house and everything that's in it
Half of everything