A flat tyre, a dead mobile phone, I was so very far away from home I told myself it would be all right I took a walk down a secluded road Eventually I found a pub and the relief was palpable- I'm all right The bar fell silent when I walked in I said: "A glass of tonic please, and could you top it up with gin?" The barman didn't smile he just stared for a while I saw how dirty his hands were when he squeezed in my lime All right I sat perched on an uneven stool Trying nervously to keep my cool As I was searching for my light, I-- Well I was struck by an advertisment Pinned up by the local constituent I was realised this place was all right My heart beat heavy as I took in my surroundings I've never seen so many little taxidermal owls Well there was pro-thought Suns And there are Union Jack bunting And the papers on the bar were only useful for one thing They were all right All right I set off 'cause I was terrified But as soon as I had gone outside I sensed that something wasn't right I felt watched; I sensed eyes on me I saw a Cleggster behind a tree and started running for my life Well I tripped on something and I fell to the ground and before I could get up I realised I was surrounded I tried to catch my breath but I was too dumbfounded by the gang of former pri's with their engines growling All right Hey! I woke up shackled to an antique chair There was a vicar and a policeman and a dog sat there They said: "The bureaucrat opposal say we've gotta release you, just don't come here again you little Guardianista" All right All right Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.