Dysfunctional belles dysfunctional balls The folks in my family they just beat all They put me through hell when they deck the halls They even send Santy Claus climbing up the walls There's no day slower than Christmas to me It seems to last half the year It's supposed to be something sent straight from heaven But it ain't to me it's the day of hell Mama with her wreath daddy with his wrath Granny eating with no teeth and my sisters mangy cats A hundred ignorant cousins with their pointy headed hats Have driven me as crazy as a hundred shit house rats