If there ever was a way to rate a man
On a cowboy scale of one to ten
Kinda like you would a woman or a chili pepper
A one ain't hot, but a ten'll stop your ticker
It'd be based on courage and attitude
Not the band on the hat or the bling on the boot
Less about the out, more about the within
On this cowboy scale of one to ten
Now take the pretty boy over at the bar for example
His Resistol's huge and his B.S. is ample
But I got a feelin' he's nevеr stepped in none
And on thе cowboy scale that puts him down around a one
Now the guy in the ball cap, the tshirt, and dirty ol jeans
Got a dozen gold buckles that you'll probly never see
'Cause he really don't givva damn what you think he is
On your cowboy scale of one to ten
Some ride bulls and some ride fences
Some ride off into that sunset
Some drive cattle and some drive Chevy's
But they all drive them ladies crazy
Ladies and gentlemen
My friends Dale Brisbie and Mr. Cobin are here to give you some cowboy education
Are you ready boys? (Yes sir)
Tell them about it all, son
Now the cowgirls, boys, they're the ones who know
The real deal from ol' ricky rodeo
Cause let me tell ya fellas, till they see you ride
They'll never give you more than a four
Maybe five
Now not all cowboys hail from the lone star state
California, Alaska to Canada, eh?
I even know a few hippies, long hair and tatoos
That sure are some tough mother buckaroos
Some ride bulls and some ride fences
Some ride off into that sunset
Some drive cattle and some drive Chevy's
But they all drive them ladies crazy
We got here one more cowboy who knows a thing or two about it
Ladies and gentlemen, say hello to Mr. Needleboo
Come on cowboy
So if ya ever took a big ol' dip o Copenhagen
Started barroom brawls or just participated
Know a quarter horse can't be started with a coin
Y'ain't quite there yet, boys, but 'yer getting warm
Ladies and gentlemen, our brother Mr. Ray Stigger
I've been around some, and I'd like to say
If you really wanna know who's the real John Wayne
Well, that's the folks who serve and protect this great land
And on the cowboy scale
That's a top drawer ten
Let's go find a beer cold, boys
What you say? (Yes sir)
May I give you some Copenhagen Origin
Here you go, Cody, no need at all