The Tories are having a rather funny time of late
Brexit talks have not lived up to expectations
And apparently dismantling our beloved welfare state
Might not play too well with party public relations
Tax cuts for the rich while raising tuition fees
Didn't seem to win them many young fans
What's needed is a quick fix that is guaranteed to please
And won't impact on any other plans
The Tories need another novelty toff
Now Boris Johnson's become rather a bore
The smug Etonian candor makes the strategies seem grander
And it's played well with the public before
The Tories need another novelty toff
Someone the people will adore
Success on "Have I Got News" disguises problematic views
And we'll have them screaming out for more
Public school arrogance and sharp cutting wits
Always make for good soundbites in TV reports
In fact they canter MPs into something of a fit
And help to mobilise grassroots support
Why depend on manifesto quality
When a turn of phrase can shut the opposition down
Success need not rely on having strength of policy
When your figurehead's a plebian charming clown
The Tories need another novelty toff
To mobilise the electorate again
With eloquence and finesse one can destroy the NHS
And treat the lower class with thinly veiled disdain
The Tories need another novelty toff
A quaint view of privilege that will sell
With clever-worded memes they'll win over middle class teens
And make the champ their pin-up boy as well
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The Tories need another novelty toff
To fulfill all the UKIP dreams
And make a dedication to reducing immigration
With shady deportation schemes
The Tories need another novelty toff
To represent the one percent
Allowing private companies to expand their monopolies
And influence where public money's spent
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The Tories need another novelty toff
To be the friendly face of brutal cuts
With a firm stiff upper lip, every condescending quip
Will serve to drive the opposition nuts
The Tories need another novelty toff
For their grip on power to remain
And with the right selection will storm the next election
And make Great Britain great again!