They say gardening is the new sex
And brown was the new black
Which is now the old grey, ha-ha
And stripes are, of course, the new checks
While spots on culottes are just so yesterday
When fashion announces with fleeting finality
That excessing one's dress is the coolest frugality
And sin is so in, it's the latest morality
Then take it from me, it's the dernier cri
But fake is the new reality
Let's hear it for fake
Let's hear it for sweet duplicity
I've had it with authenticity
Let's hear it for fake
Let's hear it for sham
Two fingers to dumpy frumpery
Give me that Ivana Trump-ery
Sham is the new glam
Don't want to grow old, go cold
So from now on, it's no holds barred
I'm plucked and sucked and tightly tucked
I reconstruct and then discard
Oh please, give me a break
Be honest, it's hardly perjury
What's wrong with a, a little surgery
Let's hear it for fake
I'm familiar with every technique
Like a snake, I am shedding superfluous skin
There's a chunk of my thigh in my cheek
If I saw my old nose, I'd say, "How have you been?"
There's only so much one can do with a tweezer
Or going to bed with one's head in the freezer
At the sign of a line, I just whip out my Visa
Where each wrinkle is etched, I get myself stretched
Or I'll soon look like Mother Teresa
Let's hear it for fake
Old age is now quite evadable
Who needs to be biodegradable
Let's hear it for fake
Let's hear it for fraud
Though some may say it's a vast caprice
I say I'm a final masterpiece
Who's being restored
Though it may pain ya, drain ya
It's worth it to regain your face
I'm clipped and gripped and slightly snipped
And when I'm stripped, it stays in place
Oh, let's hear it for fake
Now thanks to my doc's ability
Nothing's an impossibility
Correcting nature's mistake
So let's hear it for giving a cheer
Before taking my foot off the brake
Let's hear it for F-A-K-E
Oh Doctor, I'm all yours
Fake