I have a theory, dear, so let me put it past
I have to check it's valid, though I know you didn't ask
You don't like to kiss me
No, you don't like to kiss
'Cause my beard is way too itchy and it scratches up your lips
But I can't shave it off, I'm too self-conscious of the fact
I have a scar above my lip that my beard and mustache mask
And I have a scar above my lip 'cause I once smashed up on a curb
Flew over both my handlebars and straight into the dirt
And I didn't have a helmet on 'cause that was way back when
I was too damn cool for safety rules or simple common sense
So if I now remember right by the transitive rule
Darling, you don't like to kiss me
'Cause I'm too damn cool
With tired eyes, she stared at me
"It's 3 a.m.," she said
"Bug, be glad I love you, you're a goober, go to bed"
You love my quirks, my quirks
The dopey way I flirt
You're even kind and warm when I am getting on your nerves
You love my quirks, my quirks
I'm certain you deserve
A handsome hunk, but now you're stuck with this annoying nerd
You put up with more than most would mind
The time it takes to rise and shine
I'm hittin' snooze at 6:05, 6:15, and six more times
You don't mind the way I weigh my food
My morning routine which includes
Scrambling to find my keys 'cause I can't leave them out in view
Even though you bought that bowl
Put it right beside the door
And all I have to do is set them there as soon as I get home
Instead I'm flippin' up the couch and
Oh, hey, there they are, I found 'em
Have a great day and oh, have you seen my wallet?
You love my quirks, my quirks
The dopey way I flirt
You're even kind and warm when I am getting on your nerves
You love my quirks, my quirks
I'm certain you deserve
A macho man, but all I am's a silly introvert
And I keep you up past midnight
Crazy thoughts inside my head
Bug, be glad I love you, you're a goober, go to bed
♪
And she holds to my t-shirt when I take off my sweatshirt
To make sure it stays down
Now that's what I call teamwork
I keep us on time, she makes all our friends
And makes sure that my fly is zipped up on my pants
If Snapchat is to flirt, and Tinder to find love
We're back here snappin' polaroids just to shake things up
You love my quirks, my quirks
The dopey way I flirt
You're even kind and warm when I am getting on your nerves
You love my quirks, my quirks
I'm certain you deserve
A sexy stud instead of what you've chosen 'cause I'm sure that
All the girls, the girls, who hear this song and smirk
And feel pity 'cause I sound like I'm more trouble than I'm worth
Are probably right