I don't blame God for the mess that I made
He don't break hearts or reflect on my shame
I became gray: there's no rest in my brain
Lay me down to rest with the rest of my faith
I did it to myself
I'm wide awake because I always stay up
I lift my face into the sky, straight up
And though the stars above at times will stray
When they fall they turn into Estrella
All I need is a moment for my heart to listen closer
The things we gotta hear are more than often never spoken
So we speak in sign language- you know I never listen
We hardly in the present; too focused on the closure
Holding my composure; master the fermata
But couldn't get the peace to come together like we wanted
Writing rhymes right and left; bass a treble clef
But if you never raise your hands you could never learn to rest
There's still habits that I gratify
Lovers turn to alibis
Habits turn to churches
And conviction turns to pantomime
It seems the older that I get the lonelier I feel
It seems I'm shouldering regrets from things that never healed
I'm pondering so often now that I was never saved
I'm Pontius how I'm haunted by the faces I've betrayed
I made 23 Prayers, I'd take 30 if I could
But even Judas took 30, nailed the Savior to the wood