I don't know why but I headed to the beach
I guess this is where I felt safe as a child
I needed someplace to forget about everything
And it didn't work
The waves came crashing in and my thoughts kept going to her
Why didn't she want me, why didn't she love me?
The wind was blowing towards me and I decided to take action
I am going to change my life for the better
So I went back into town and confronted her
For the second time, she denied me
Everyone around me said I had it coming
That I get obsessed too easily
That maybe I just need to go away from her
I decided that I am going to take action
I need to leave everything behind
So I travel with no destination in mind
I find myself in the desert
I plan to die out here
Starvation, thirst, whatever it takes
For days I walk, waiting for something to come over me
I don't see another human for weeks
Then one night I come across some tourists
They're sitting around a campfire, enjoying life
I go up to them, and they hand me something to smoke
I take it, and suddenly everything became colorful
Everything in my life started to make sense
I became focused and I regained my energy
I decided that I am going to change my life
And after five days of not sleeping
I head, I head
I head into a gun shop
I head into a gun shop and buy a semi-automatic rifle
I felt power, real power
So then I head I head I head
I head to the local town, with my semiautomatic rifle, and I start shooting
And everything in my life makes sense, and I feel fulfilled
And I feel power, real power
And they're screaming and I'm screaming and oh god, the blood and the screaming
Oh god what the fuck have I done
What the fuck did I do
I panic how the fuck could I do this
Guilt stricken I run
I run as far away as I can
I run at night and hide during the day
Living off my environment
They'll never catch me in the wilderness
But my thoughts do
In the woods, I find an empty cabin
I need to be isolated from the rest of the world
I need to live in pain and punishment
This is where I decided I needed to end my life
I need to pay for what I've done
I need to pay for what I've done
I need to pay for what I've done
I decided I am going to take action and I put the gun in my mouth, and pull the trigger
And I thought that would be the end, the end of my miserable life
But it wasn't
Then I saw my own body
I didn't know this is what death would be like
I see myself, I'm floating above my body, then I'm floating above the cabin, and I'm floating above the woods
Being pulled in some unknown direction
Forcibly guided
Where am I going
We go to the house I grew up in
That's where I learned I couldn't control my life
Then we go to my dad's house after my parent's divorce
That's where I learned how to hate
Then we went to my high school
That's where I learned how to be alone
Then we went to her apartment
That's where I learned I would never amount to anything
Then I went to my crime scene
What the fuck even happened
Then I went to the cabin where I died
And the cycle began over again
I see myself, my younger self in all these places
All these memories come flowing all at once
It's not what I want to see
And deep inside, I feel this regret
Deep inside, I feel this regret
Every painful memory, everything I ever did that hurt someone
They come over and over again
All at once, over again
All at once, over again
All at once, over again
All at once, over and over
For all of eternity
And then
And then
And then
Nothing