I've been smoking my mother's brand of cigarettes because I hate myself to death. I burnt a hole through my brain trying to remember not to do this again. I take what they tell me to feel like myself. But I'm not so sure of when I became someone else. Nobody notices chapped lips and headaches so I don't get up most days. Sometimes you can't get over what you're going through. If I feel like nothing, eventually I will feel nothing at all.