I'm Irish- - Any Irish people here?
(Small Cheers)
Couple of us.
It's a bar.
Course.
Yes.
Where else would we be?
Well, I lived in Ireland for year, and it was great!
But, I found some stuff we shouldn't be so pround of as Irish people, because Irish people are always proud.
Like the fact that, uh, there were a group of the Irish that had a secret alliance with the Nazis in World War II...
That's a pretty dark chapter in Irish History.
You have to really hate the British a lot, to think the Nazis are a better option, somehow.
Just imagine the conversation goin' on in a pub in Ireland in 1943, ya know...
(Irish Voice)
Have you heard of that Hitler fella?"
Yes, I have about Hitler, and to be honest I don't approve of the bastard myself!
I don't approve of the fact that he's trying to create an evil race by eliminating the Jews!
But that bastard's bombing the fuck outta England and we can't falty for that!
Teetle, tightly, ta-teetly!"
This is rediculous...
While I was living there I was going to school during the day, so I had to get a night job.
So, the night job I took was I use to run a rickshaul in Dublin.
That's what I did. (Something) It's the Chinse taxi.
It's like one of these chairs with wheels and sticks on it, and you run everybody in the city with it!
It was horrible! '
Cause enembily someone at three in the morning some drunk-ass Irish dude would jump into my rickshaul and go
(High pitched Irish Voice), "
Firned, I'm in a hurry!" ...
(Normal voice) Like, dude, you're in a hurry?
Kay, um...
What about this mode of transportation makes you think it's capable of hurrying?
(Laughs)
Yeah, you're on a park bench with bicycle wheels.
It's being pulled by 118 pound chain smoker.
(Giggles)
Why don't you crawl there?
And it never use to bother me like an old lady would flag me down, or some kind of couple on a date or something.
But every now and again some guy who is just my age would just flag me down on the rickshaul...
Who also have legs that work, ya know?
But he doesn't want to walk to where he's going, he wants me t pull him.
Like, I can't think of anything more emasculating than having another man pull you around the city in a wheel barral.
Like a (something) game of piggy back ride.
Like, "
Hop on bitch, I'll take you to work!
Wa-pow, yeah!" Another weird thing, Ireland doesn't have a standard system of weight.
For whatever reason they invented their own stupid system.
Yeah, they don't use the pound or the kilogram.
They use the stone.
That's the lowest utter of weight for measure in Ireland.
The thing is, one stone weighs 14 pounds.
That's the least amount you can weigh anything in Ireland...
14 pounds.
That's why there are no Irish drug dealers...
(Laughing)
Cause, unless you need a 14 pound of hairowin...
You have to be very farmiliar with calculis!
That is a lot of math!
(More Laughing)
Like, you can't even weigh a baby terris, like 6 months old, ya know.
(Irish Voice)
This child weighs nothing!
Get him a sandwhich for Christ sake!
Ta-teetly, tightly!"
That's how they all talk.
They end their sentances with, "
Teetly, tightly!" (Normal voice) Anybody here ever been there?
Been to Ireland? ...
O-one person?
Cool.
Alright.
Sweet.
It's awesome, but, uh, uh, I don't think you guys know this- Did you know the Irish word for 'fun' is?
It's a gay lick word...
Spelled C R A I C, and is pronounced 'crack'.
And, I didn't know that!
I was living right near this Catholic College, that's where I was going to school, and I was right near the convent on campus.
I've only been there for like two weeks, and this little nun hobbles up to me and goes,
(High pitch Irish voice)
Hey, you're one of the American students, aren't cha?
Have you have any good normal voice CRAIC crack sense you've been in the cuntry?"
(Laughing)
I'm sorry, 'crack'?
No!
Frankly, I haven't had any crack sense I've left the states, so!
(High pitch Irish voice)
I know tons of places you can have fantastic craic!"
I will keep that in mind, thank you!
So you can imagine my surprise when I found out that 'craic' just meant fun, and even more to my surprise she wasn't even a nun she was just some homeless craic whore in a peguin coustume.
Who saw that comin'?!
Nobody, so...