I remember the first time I saw you I went to your doorstep and rang the bell Your parents told me your dog's name was henry And I laughed and said, "hey, that's my name as well" And I remember your face as you came down the stairway With your ebony hair and your deep hazel eyes And at the sight of your beauty I started to quiver And I just couldn't think of the right thing to say And my hands started shaking, my heart palpitating My palms started sweating and then I ran out of breath And I fell on the floor and then I started to vomit And I lost all control of my bodily functions And you went to the kitchen so you could get paper towels To clean up the mess I'd just made on your floor But by that time I'd already emptied my bowels And I just didn't seem to give a damn anymore So I took off my pants and started humping your doggie And your parents threatened to call the police So I yanked out their phone cord and I closed all the curtains And said, "don't move or nobody leaves here alive" So here I am in this cold, lonely jail cell Thinking of you and the times that we had And you're probably laughing about the whole misunderstanding And I just get that same old feeling again My hands start to shake and my heart starts to beat And my palms start to sweat and then I ran out of breath And I fall on the floor and I start to vomit And I lose all control of my bodily functions