These are the terms and conditions for living in the UK
First abandon kindness, it's a fool's game
Oh, it's a shame you went to state school in the first place
That'll keep you two steps down in the rat race
You need to learn to hate
America
Russia
Climate change
China, rich cunts and poor cunts
The weather and the tax rates
All the fuckers telling you to isolate
Labour and the Liberals and the Greens and the Tory state
Feminism, snowflakes
The EDL
Hate everyone and everything 'til you can't even stand yourself
Hate the fact you need money
Hate all those who want money
Hate the fucking game and the taste for wealth
And find love
In beer and drugs and crime
The glory days before the others all arrived
Seek pride in your nation's contribution in the war
Watch films about soldiers, cry at what they died for
A fuck ton of corruption in the Houses and the courts
Great British Arse that soares
Right before it shits all over its own people in hoardes
In education, policy
Tooth, and claw
And then somewhere
Between the crackheads and the lords
The people who believe 'em
And the police force
Is a most glorious nation of pride and patience
No, I'm only joking, of course
We don't smile too much around 'ere, love
Wipe it off your face
Our terms and conditions consist of hate
♪
Part two of the UK's terms and conditions
For all but the wealthy and the first class citizens
To anyone poor or born outside of Britain
You must follow the following conditions, yes?
Okay so what you're saying is that the rules don't apply
To anyone with a winning lottery ticket as a bloodline
No, the fact is, in practice, the rules do apply
With the exception of taxes and COVID guidelines
Amongst other things, you know
Murder
Lies
With money, there's no such a thing as a crime!
Okay, so what you're saying is your conditions is money making?
No, not money making, money taking!
Money taking?
Yes, money taking
After that, money saving
Placing said money in savings
So greed?
Not greed, aspirations, see!
Aspirations for those with a first class degree
Why, of course! And a delectable family tree
Your conditions favour the aristocracy
It's the equivalent to sitting in a stadium seat
Stand up, for a better view
The guy behind can't see
Basically
Your Ts and Cs mean liberty
But freedom doesn't recognise poverty
Oh, shit
So, smile, smile, smile
'Cause you have much to be thankful for
These terms and conditions were
Never truly yours
For the taking
Did you have me mistaken, when you came to this country half way?
With the silly little dreams, of a child half-baked
And the mind of an animal scrounging for bait
Did you forget about me?
It seems you did
I am the fucking man
I decide who lives and dies
You are nothing
But the blood between my eyes
And I decree with each part of me
That you are doomed for all of time
To revoke my spell
Sans protests?
Please, step in line