She was fond of Renoir, and tasting Spanish wine,
Taking care of children, she memorized every line,
Hanging out her stocking for Santa Claus to sign,
Oh how I wish she could be mine.
Once I did...
Hand cuff my ankles to number 10 Downing Street,
Claiming I was Winston Churchill,
This mild schizophrenia made my chances leaner,
For sharing her shed.
Frequently admonished, for losing every job,
I was feeling weary, my legs about to drop,
Then I saw her mother-in-law displayed in a butcher's shop,
Oh how my weakened heart did throb.
Once I did...
Swallow three volumes of encyclopedias,
Prizing such vast erudition,
This wild Bibliomania, just made my head vainer,
She left me stranded.
Sometimes there are moments when fate treats us so cruel,
Lamenting in the pigsty, I sat down on my stool,
Agnes you're the nicest cow this side of Timbucktoo,
Why was I born to be a mule, not even a bull,
Agnes I feel such a fool.