I won't even try to stand. So I can feel nothing. My intentions were always so good. Now and then you said to me. "You always look ahead." I believed in me and so in our love. Turn the page - My diary. Nothing from my memories. I cannot open my eyes. Like drawning in the sea. It's not sad. It's not funny. Not angry and not lonely. I can do nothing. I'm at a loss what to do. If God is in the church. Why won't he make me strong. I - I know nothing is not speaking. I lift up my face. And open my eyes. And I will try to stand.