Conflicting goals and desires
I wanna start fires, but I only feel ice
Will it only be me who pays a price
If you decide that you regret being nice
Please don't let me end each conversation
With I'd better let you go (I'd better let you go)
Was I wrong to work so hard to brush it off
Each time you told me no? (You told me no, you told me)
I work to maintain, I minimize pain, I wanna be easy to choose
It wasn't a game, but somehow I trusted you not to let me lose
'Cause I told you "please tell me if I ever push"
You promised, you said you didn't want me to shush
You've clearly forgotten if you thought I'd take a hint
All the best and worst parts of my year carry your fingerprints
Conflicting goals and desires
I wanna start fires, but I only feel ice
Will it only be me who pays a price
If you decide that you regret being nice
When you left me there to tend a tiny thing we planted side by side
I wished my thumb was green, it never was, and you knew that it was not
So I wish you'd told me sooner that you wanted me to let it die
Instead of slinking out of earshot, and thinking out of earshot,
I overindulge, I overreact, I overthink everything, over-redact
I wish you'd left sooner, I wish you'd come back, will it never be safe, to trust or unpack?
When do I try again? How long do I wait?
What do I do with the goddamn garden gate?
When do I try again? How long do I wait?
What do I do with the goddamn garden gate?
When do I try again? How long do I wait?
What do I do with the goddamn garden gate?
When do I try again? How long do I wait?
If you come back will it be too late?
(I know that I'm not hard to choose
And I won't be easy to lose)
Will it ever be requited? Will it ever be my turn?
Everything knowing you quieted suddenly tries to return
Will it ever be re-quieted? What the hell am I supposed to learn?
Everything knowing you quieted, suddenly tries to return
There's nothing more I can do, to make myself easy to choose
But know I can't help but refuse, to make myself easy to lose
So I will leave you be,
But I won't close the door behind me