At 2 a.m., after two hours, I sign off And no one has come scrape the dead porcupine Off the road by your house Where you just kicked me out 'Cause I flat out can't kiss you with food in my mouth I flipped my lid for the dead pilot starter Had breadsticks for breakfast so now I have heartburn I figured I'd find her 'Cause nothings much finer Than you in your apron and me and my sideburns So I'm waiting for you to come in and pretend You just could not wait up for me despite your intent to I thought you were leaving It's hard to interpret 'Cause the longer you sit there, the prettier the girls get And all that you need is a kitchen to pine in A photo to take and a folder to file it in And now I'm the static While you try to dial in It says there's a wait if you're planning on dining in But now imagine my face When the soda exploded Which, by the way, you were the first one to notice You said my life's a sitcom, and this is a spin-off In its pilot season, and I just got botox And you're the shift switcher I don't want no talk of it I don't live off the land, I just live on top of it It's hard but it's certain It's quick and it's sorted Commander, come over, come on, it's important You're here then you're gone And I caught you flipping around It's hard when the station is on And you are the talk of the town I'll tell you it tears me in two When you choose to dance in my mind like you do But to tell you the truth It never got too much to view