Last night my dad he passed away
Stayed up all night
I lost my dog today
And my sister Irene is pregnant again
And her husband Ken
Run off with her best friend
And my girlfriend said that she can't come
So I walked on over and picked up the phone
And I'm hoping that you'll come through
Cheap entertainment
Phone in show
Five minutes of glib advice
When you got nowhere left to go
Commercial radio
And I dont seem to go out too much
Aint got no friends to speak of as such
And all the girls where I'm employed
Are going out with other boys
So I listen to your radio
Hear you're helping people on your phone in show
And I thought you might just do the same for me
Cheap entertainment
And you buy it
Phone in show
Five minutes of glib advice
When you got nowhere left to go
Commercial radio
(Converstaion)
(A) OK Johnny let's be hearing about your problem
(B) Well dave I can call you dave can I
(A) Yeah sure
(B) I've got a problem with greasy hair and blackheads
(A) Johnny this is London FM radio this is
Not a cosmetic advisory service
And the listeners out there would like to hear
About your rabid sexual problems
(B) Ummm girls think it's really funny because
I'm 19 now and I havent got any pubic hair
(A) Well to be quite honest johnny everyone
Here at the studio thinks it's quite funny too
But you know somehow I dont think youre
Telling us the whole story
See I've heard about your complications
We know you've got problems with masturbation
And the panel in here say nothing to fear
You should be fine in another year
No I dont think that you understand
All I'm looking for is a helping hand
And I have nobody yet to turn to
Cheap entertainment
Phone in show
Five minutes of glib advice
When you got nowhere left to go
Commercial radio