Oh, I'm just a typical American boy
From a typical American town
I believe in God and Senator Dodd
And a-keepin' old Castro down
And when it came my time to serve
I knew, "Better dead than red"
But when I got to my old draft board, buddy
This is what I said
"Sarge, I'm only eighteen, I got a ruptured spleen
And I always carry a purse
I've got eyes like a bat and my feet are flat
My asthma's getting worse"
"Yes, think of my career, my sweetheart dear
And my poor old invalid aunt
Besides, I ain't no fool, I'm a-goin' to school
And I'm working in a defense plant"
"I've got a dislocated disc and a wracked up back
I'm allergic to flowers and bugs
And when the bombshell hits, I get epileptic fits
And I'm addicted to a thousand drugs"
"I got the weakness woes, I can't touch my toes
I can hardly reach my knees
And if the enemy came close to me
I'd probably start to sneeze"
"I'm only eighteen, I got a ruptured spleen
And I always carry a purse
I've got eyes like a bat and my feet are flat
My asthma's getting worse"
"Yes, think of my career, my sweetheart dear
And my poor old invalid aunt
Besides, I ain't no fool, I'm a-goin' to school
And I'm working in a defense plant"
"Ooh, I hate Chou En Lai and I hope he dies
But one thing you gotta see
That someone's gotta go over there
And that someone isn't me"
"So I wish you well, sarge, give 'em hell
Kill me a thousand or so
And if you ever get a war without blood and gore
I'll be the first to go"
"Yes, I'm only eighteen, I got a ruptured spleen
And I always carry a purse
I've got eyes like a bat and my feet are flat
My asthma's getting worse"
"Yes, think of my career, my sweetheart dear
And my poor old invalid aunt
Besides, I ain't no fool, I'm a-goin' to school
And I'm working in a defense plant"