Roll initiative!
Ha! How do I want to do this?
Roll up for this freakshow at the carnival commedia
A booklover with more issues than an encyclopedia
It's the devil who can't remember
'Gainst the man who can't forget
My amnesia's anaesthesia, ooh, you stink of your regrets (ooh!)
Throw raps from 60 feet away, you weedy wizard wussy
Then go mindmeld with Frumpkin
You're used to being a pussy
Your body's got the hit dice of a biscuit dunked in tea
CritRoleStats says you go down more than the Ruby of the Sea
I'm flamboyantly fabulous, universally adored
If I could cast find familiar, I'd just summon Gilmore (glorious!)
No foe I can't surmount, this carnal carnie can't keep count
I make the continent quake, ooh, I'm such a Wildemount
I'm altruistic, hedonistic (uh, uh)
Love to get in trouble quick
I'm a moral golden compass, you're just a subtle prick
You're restrained and I'm loud
You're ashamed and I'm proud
You're so washed up, yet you smell of stinking cloud
Ja, okay
Oh, it's my turn, wunderbar!
The devil's been defanged with a DC of elf (11)
I barely felt that mockery, guess he only hurts himself (burn!)
Transmute that dung to silvertongue
Here's a whetstone for your wit
Even comprehend language can't decode your bullshit (scheiße!)
You're far from prince charming, more like a royal pain (boo!)
A clown with a crown of madness
Long may he reign
No net under your high wire
If you fight me, light your own pyre
I roll wisdom saves after every line
'Cause my lyrics are so fire
You're in my cat's paw, little peacock
And you'll never be free
If you were as clever as you thought you were
You'd be, uh, me
My cortex is colossal, it gives mind flayers indigestion (stay cool)
I'm a pissed fritz army knife with answers to every question
A brain with an arcane cannon
Cranking up my think tank
'Bout you take a donation
From this Blood Hunter blood bank
You got spanked (danke schön)
My glove of blasting starts to itch
I have a sorcerer's apprentice
You can be my bitch
I don't need to maledict
I just blind you with rage (ugh)
Did Jester write your story?
You're a dick on every page
You're a fiend, Caleb
So let me switch to devil's tongue
Suck my devil dick
That means I won
Uh, you dress like you've been faerie-fired
From dusk 'til dawn
Try and hide, you'd need a pride parade for leprechauns (potato)
Shine bright, you narcissist, wearing your dragon carpet (lock on)
I fire attention-seeking missiles and you're always the target
Here's morals from the devil
You're so poor in humanity
Which is more broke?
Your coin purse or your sanity?
Your own mind is your dungeon
Karma's the final boss
Cast alarm around your conscience, it'd never go off
No scroll that you stole
Can help you hold or control fate
You sold your dirty soul
More controversial than Bowlgate
Don't burn your tiefling brother, I rebuke in an instant
If your family were tieflings, they'd have been fire resistant
Ooh, your life is in the cards
Mollymauk, don't tempt me
Let me read your future
Oh, it just says empty (ow!)
You always want to one-up
Your last show was your best
Fjord swallows swords
So you take a glaive through the chest
Your grave wants you back
There'll be no hope of detection
And I'm saving counterspell for your next resurrection
Now, do me a favour and expose that purple back
This whole verse set you up for a sneak attack
Oh, God
Mama's home, kids
I'll turn you shits into knitting
Ask the manticore how good I am at babysitting
You're first, ram horns
I'm gonna mince you like mutton
Then I'll have to steal myself
'Cause I'm cute as a button
I'm Nott drunk! (Hic)
I rouge best when I'm slammed
How will you hit me when I don't know where I am?
Droping bombs like Cricks
Leavin' Molly in the wreckage
If you're still alive, you can reply to this
Oh, I failed my con save
Ja, okay, we're done here
Uh, good game, Molly!
No, I can take all three of him!
Ja, time for a short rest, ja
I roll to investigate his arsehole!
I don't know what that means