My name it is John Sawdenburg, It suits me very well. At school they called me Puddles. Now that really hurt like hell. I had the weakest bladder That you'll ever likely see. Just the juicy orangerapples All it took to make me pee. Well me trousers are always soaking Memories of me rivers running On the classroom floor. And my teacher weigh her bucket With her plastic litter bin That she used to place beside me Went the morning milk can in. I went to see a doctor When I've known since I was born. To wear, just like a sporn. It seemed to be the answer, Hanging down tight up me string. 'Till a bumblebee crawled up me leg And burst the bloody thing. Well me trousers are always soaking Memories of me rivers Running on the classroom floor. And my teacher weigh her bucket With her plastic litter bin That she used to place beside me Went the morning milk can in. My mother had her problems too, Each night as I lay down So a rubber hose was bought for me, Shopping in the town It was fitted to me willy, And the water when it ran, Cross the bedroom, through the hallway, To the toilet, down the pan. Well me trousers are always soaking Memories of me rivers Running on the classroom floor. And my teacher weigh her bucket With her plastic litter bin That she used to place beside me Went the morning milk can in. We'll have to amputate it Came the hospital report. We've tried a hundred different ways, This is the last resort. The operation simple, We'll snip it off with shears, But it wasn't quite successful, Cause it now runs into me ears. Well me trousers are always soaking Memories of me rivers Running on the classroom floor. And my teacher weigh her bucket With her plastic litter bin That she used to place beside me Went the morning milk can in.