"Well are you all settled in? Right, we can begin. My name is..." Alfie! Once there was a time When my mind lay on higher things And once there was a time I could find pretty words to sing But now, well now I find It saves time to say what you mean I know it seems so unrefined But it's time to let off some steam Oh come on! Everybody knows that "No" means "Yes" Just like glasses come free on the NHS But the more I look through them the more I see I'm becoming more like Alfie Once there was a time When a kind word could be enough And once there was a time I could blindfold myself with love But not now - now I'm resigned To the kind of life I had reserved For other guys less smart than I Y'know - the kind who will always end up with the girls And besides Everybody knows that "No" means "Yes" Just like glasses come free on the NHS But the more I look through them the more I see I'm becoming more like Alfie Oh come on! I'm becoming more like Alfie.