Hard to explain, but existence is pain but life's beautiful
Love it when I'm with you, but hate the things I do to you
Still got bad habits, but ain't doing what I used to do
Lying to myself but I'm trynna stay true to you
Been a very long time since I've felt this alone
Maybe the blames on me, I never pick up my phone
Hate to admit it, but since I quit the pills it's been much harder to cope
It's still hard to accept that this all part of my road
But I'm trynna fight the sadness
Putting goggles on my hood, and some fossils on my jacket
Still feels surreal that people know me from my rappin'
Used to hope that this would happen when I was known for poppin' tablets
Trappin' magic to some addicts, but the karma got me back
Hard to count all of the times that people stabbed me in my back
See my brother in my dreams, but I'll never get him back
Scratching "HORID" on this mirror while I reflect on the past
Name tattooed on my skin, memories tattooed on my soul
Taking every ounce of strength in me to not go lose control
Word tattooed on my skin, memories tattooed on my brain
Taking everything I've got in me to not just go insane
Lighting up this Girl Scout, staring at the stars
Fire in my eyes and some dreams up in my heart
Thinking up some bars to the beating of my heart
Trynna heal all of my scars, I've been living in a mask
I've been living in the past, it's sitting on my heart
Thought I had something to prove, always taking things too far
Scary what you'll do to try and find out who you are
So now I just be working hard to turn this pain into some art
People asking me "What's wrong?", don't know where to start
So I'll just finish my drink, force a smile and then a laugh
Pour some out for HORID and no matter where you are
One things for certain and it's that you're always living in my heart
And I wear my heart on my sleeve, next to this Stoney patch
Always been myself, that's the reason that they know my raps
Don't point out my flaws if you aren't thankful for my strengths
They say they wanna see you blow up then try drag you to their depth
Dropping blood sweat and tears, to get me to this stage
So I won't be giving up until they're dropping on a stage
I'm honest to the page, don't give a fuck bout all the games
I do this to give a voice to everyone who feels the same
At 17 I was a fiend, moving points to feed my habit
Now I'm living for this rappin' it just fills me with a passion
I really can't describe, guess it gives me a distraction
And a gift to somehow create something good from all my sadness
Always seem to be able to find the beauty in something tragic
There's a method to my madness, depressed and then I'm manic
Stressed and then I'm happy, was dependence on the xannies
The reason that relaxing is just not one of my talents
Some friends turned into family, some bridges turned to ashes
Everybody's grown up now, I don't know when it happened
Still going through this weed like it's going out of fashion
Manifesting my success, man I know it's gonna happen ay