I remember sayin', "I don't care either way
Just as long as he or she is healthy, I'm okay"
And then the doctor pointed to the corner of the screen
And said, "Yo, see that thing right there?
Well, you know what that means"
I started wonderin' who he was gonna be
And I thought, "Heaven help us if he's anything like me"
He'll probably climb a tree too tall and ride his bike too fast
End up every summer wearin' somethin' in a cast
He's gonna throw a ball and break some glass in a window down the street
He's gonna get in trouble, he's gonna get in fights
I'm gonna lose my temper and some sleep
It's safe to say that I'm gonna get my payback if he's anything like me
I can see him right now, knees all skinned up
With a magnifying glass, tryin' to melt the Tonka truck
Won't he be a sight with his football helmet on?
Well, that'll be his first love 'til his first love comes along
He'll get his heart broke by the time he's in his teens
And heaven help him if he's anything like me
He'll probably stay out too late and drive his car too fast
Get a speedin' ticket, he'll pay for mowin' grass
He's gonna get caught skippin' class and be grounded for a week
He's gonna get in trouble, we're gonna get in fights
I'm gonna lose my temper and some sleep
It's safe to say that I'm gonna get my payback, if he's anything like me
He's gonna love me and hate me along the way
The years are gonna fly by, I already dread the day
He's gonna hug his momma, he's gonna shake my hand
He's gonna act like he can't wait to leave
But as he drives out, he'll cry his eyes out
If he's anything like me
There's worse folks to be like
Aw, he'll be alright, if he's anything like me