I'm still down at the ocean sometimes Wondering were you went And what you where, it's safe to say, There was something more about you, pulling me up I can't put my finger on, but I want you to know I kept a piece of my heart for myself In a place where it is, like they say Dark but not black I know it was not you who told me to do what i did But I just thought you wanted to know The look on your face when i cut it out Is the only one i can clearly recall Blurred, the least to say, is all the rest For this to shall pass, as the world floats away Forgive me if I got something wrong I'm in a different place now. Things here didn't work out the way i wish they had But least this time I know its my own fault And that helps Since I know where to start What to change, what to beat into the ground I still repeat the same words given to me so long ago But they're becoming washed out, worn and faded, void of their original meaning Soon they're bled dry Them to, like all else If only I could to talk to you one last time I find such trouble in Trying to recall why I do this And something tell me you knew But it brings me back to The last thing you told me "I'm not the one to save you" I suppose you made it clear I wish everything that held me down For all this time To have a opposite, an antimatter That eventually Will carry me to heaven That's what I pray for And that what i prayed for Everyday But it's been eleven years And I can't take eleven more So I'll restart By digging out the last of my heart And leaving it here for you And since I never knew, how to be human She will be my aid And I have to be sure That my loathing was just The ambivalence of insecurity to commit But I know now that's how it should be Lord, I'm so lost Help me find my way My prayer is for you, My loving guide My beacon My tree Father, father, How should I be? I think I always believed My dreams where never built to hold But I know that I Killed them All on my own After tonight Rebuild me from scratch