I drove my Sarsen through your garden last night
I kicked your front door down around at midnight
Something's telling me, boy, that you're avoiding me
And when I find you, you will run for your tea
Oh, I've got a brand new shiny helmet and a pair of kinky boots
I've got a lovely new flak jacket and lovely khaki suit
And when we go on night patrol, we hold each other's hands
For we are the British Army and we're here to take your land
My good friend Bertie, he's in the UDR
Searching for weapons he will go near and far
Up around by Kappa, you'd never find him there
Oh, the only gun he'll get there is an Armalite in his ear
Oh, I've got a brand new shiny helmet and a pair of kinky boots
I've got a lovely new flak jacket and lovely khaki suit
And when we go on night patrol, we hold each other's hands
For we are the British Army and we're here to take your land
My good friend Trevor, he's in the RUC
But now they've handed him his redundancy
Folks along the border won't be seeing him any more
That provo sniper will be missing him for sure
Oh, I've got a brand new shiny helmet and a pair of kinky boots
I've got a lovely new flak jacket and lovely khaki suit
And when we go on night patrol, we hold each other's hands
We are the British Army and we're here to take your land
My good friend Nigel, he's in the SAS
He said a child is just as good as the rest
But now they've gone and posted him way down to Crossmaglen
He wished to blazes, he was back in jail again
Oh, I've got a brand new shiny helmet and a pair of kinky boots
I've got a lovely new flak jacket and lovely khaki suit
And when we go on night patrol, we hold each other's hands
We are the British Army and we're here to take your land
My good friend Sammy, he's in the DUP
An outstanding member, as all the world can see
I said, "Go up to Donegal, if you want to have some fun"
He said, "I'll take a run there, if I have nothing on"
Oh, I've got a brand new shiny helmet and a pair of kinky boots
I've got a lovely new flak jacket and lovely khaki suit
And when we go on night patrol, we hold each other's hands
We are the British Army and we're here to take your land
I drove my Sarsen through your garden last night (sing up the 'ra)
I kicked your front door down around at midnight (sing up the 'ra)
Something's telling me, boy, that you're avoiding me
And when I find you, you will run for your tea
Oh, I've got a brand new shiny helmet and a pair of kinky boots
I've got a lovely new flak jacket and lovely khaki suit
And when we go on night patrol, we hold each other's hands
We are the British Army and we're here to take your land
We are the British Army and we're here to take your land