Sometimes, it's not our tears that measure our pain
But it's the fake smiles we put on every day
I'm so tired of always acting like I'm okay
But it's just so much easier than even trying to explain
How I feel to all these people who just can't relate
When I smile I wonder if they can see it's fake
Or if they can see the pain inside my very eyes
Or I've become a master now at always wearing this disguise
Because I'm hurting but I try my best to never show it
Ask how I am, I say I'm good, but I am at the lowest
That I have have been for as long as I've been alive
I'm hurting but won't let anyone about what's inside of me
I'm in the depths of my own mind, I feel like I'm drowning
I'm fighting demons every day, but I feel surrounded
This is a battle and I'm losing, I can't hold on no longer
They say you grow from all your pain but I'm not getting stronger
I'm getting weaker as every day passes by
They told me that love's the answer, I responded, "That's a lie"
'Cause I was in love and came out more broken than I went in
Now every single day I'm just waiting for heaven, 'cause
I don't want to be alive
But I don't wanna take my life
'Cause I'm afraid of what's on the other side of death
Oh, I don't wanna lose my mind
And I don't wanna say goodbye
Oh, I just wanna fall into a world of blissfulness
But every day is feeling just a little bit colder
And every day I feel this weight that's falling down on my shoulders
I understand it's in my brain, but still I feel I can't hold it
I feel like I am just a man but I'm trying to carry boulders of weight
To distract me from this pain
Maybe I am just a fool that's inflicting this in my veins
And I'm on the highway that I've been trying to avoid
And still I wake up every day shocked that I'm still destroyed, oh, I
I don't want to be alive
But I don't wanna take my life
'Cause I'm afraid of what's on the other side of death
Oh, I don't wanna lose my mind
And I don't wanna say goodbye
Oh, I just wanna fall into a world of blissfulness
No I don't want to be alive
And I don't wanna take my life
'Cause I'm afraid of what's on the other side of death