They called him The Beard And he walked here and there They called him The Beard Because of his facial hair And when he walked through the town All the people would cheer They'd say look at that guy He's got a really good beard They called him The Beard And he give to the poor Protector of the innocent Upholding the law The women would blow kisses The beardless men would frown But his name was The Beard And he ruled the town But the beardless men gathered Said enough is enough He's got such a good beard All we grow is bumfluff He's taking our women Putting us all to shame So a plot was then hatched The beard would be framed He was found and arrested And sentenced and trailed The jury was rigged He was sentenced to die The beardless they gathered And led him away To hang, at noon, that day The Beard stood at the gallows A noose round his throat But a bullet was fired It severed the rope And then hundreds of men Suddenly appeared Riding on horseback With thick healthy beards And The Beard and his brothers They ransacked the town They slaughtered the locals They burnt the place down So if there's a lesson In this to be learned It's don't mess with the bearded Unless you wanna get burned By a man they called The Beeeeeeaaaaaaard Beards