Shopping for knickers got the weekend to get through
A nice pair of Y-fronts and a bubble-perm hairdo
Got a few quid now we are in clover
With a bit of luck tonight I'll get my leg over
Ten pints and some beer nuts
And a pebble dashed bathroom
Wiped myself down and I was back in full bloom
But Lard you look gormless, we've got no chance of snogging
You're a physical freak, and your banter is bobbins
I pulled last night
Yeah, but she dreamt of a fast getaway
I pulled a wench, despite my stench
She had a face just like a welder's bench
Now that's not true, I must argue (It is)
She's the best that I will ever do
She was nowt special
She looked the part
Lard she was dog rough
She had a good heart
I think I told you right from the start
What?
You were just an ugly blee
What?
Just an ugly blee
Go on, say it
Just an ugly bleeder
Orh Lard, You're broken me nose, now I'll never get off with Louise
Oh well, I hear that the base player's a bit desperate anyway
Don't give me the bass player you gormless twonk
I hear he's a good looking lad and anyway
You're always calling me gormless,
That's twice you've called me gormless
I'll never get off with anyone because I hang around with you,
Yeah its because you're an ugly get
I'm not an ungly get I'm dead handsome and in showbiz, me
It's you you hold me back, you fat twonk
Nicky Campbell looks fine compared to you