You're a B-A-S-T-A-R-D
What does that spell?
Remember that tank top I bought you
Yes you wrote "I'm a toss pot" on it
I took you shopping Saturday morning
You made me wear a bonnet
I got you to hitch your knees up
And pull my cheeks apart
I took a great big box brownie camera
Yes, you shoved it up my arse
Because you're a bastard
I'd anything for you
Look, you're a bastard
And you're a bastard too
I rubbed an icecube on your cods
I knew there was something amiss
I said your clothes were sexy (You did)
But you were taking the piss
I said "I've only got a pound"
I said "Don't worry, I come cheaply"
I promised to put you on the cover of a magazine
Yes you wouldn't would you weekly
Because you're a bastard
I'd anything for you
Look, you're a bastard
And you're a bastard too
You're a ba, you're a ba, you're a ba, you're a ba
You're a ba, you're a ba, you're a bastard
No I'm not
Yes you are
No I'm not
Yes you are
No I'm not
Yes you are
No I'm not
Yes you are
Because you're going home in a fucking ambulance