I'm not gonna be able to go see a doctor for a long time 'Cause I'm ashamed to show the many cuts That were punctured with a blunt knife It's easier to deny and lie about the impact I had a seven year running start, never crossed the line to finish So when I close my eyes to think about it, I have to be brave I have to use the muscles around my stomach To hold my back in place I feel it starting in the back of my head and shooting down my neck But I'm not here to fight it And I'm not here because I like it I'm not gonna be able to go to your doorstep for a long time Because you caught me in the first few days When my intution fell flat I tried to keep you at arm's lenght, but every look gave me away Now I keep shutting down at every mention 'Cause it hurts less to escape I walk slower when my guard is down, letting you keep up the chase So now I'm here to fight it 'Cause I can't be here unless I like it We grow up and become The spitting image of Who we didn't want to be Every once in a while I am reminded of that morning When your spirit felt material and I knew that you was listening I sat up silently in bed, wondering who'd be next to call But I had to wait another minute to let everything go I still feel shocking pains of helplessness Whenever I'm alone too long And I didn't leave her, she left me It's not about blaming, it's about history Look out, here comes the hostility We grow up and become The spitting image of Who we didn't want to be