Locked away
In a chastity belt of casual sex
My mind is a mess
And I think that it's time
That I put it to rest
I hate that I'd be a bed for you
But not for myself
As a crippling chill covers me
I'm fucking stressed
It's a shaking, a screaming
A feeling of dread
Shame that will not leave me
Till I cease to exist
It shoots up my back
To the base of my neck
Giving hold for the rope
That I'll hang myself with
I am nothing but my failures
Conquered in a bedroom of sin and regret
I look for a sign to heal me
Drown me in the exudate that effuses my chest
I speak only in tongues of deceit
Dyspneic
Seizing
Adult
Teething
Let me
Cave in
No more
Breathing
And here I stand
Face to face with what I've always been
A god fearing masochist
From a Latter-Day suffered upbringing
Guilty
Shameful
Snapped like a twig
Symmetry in motion
Of self fucking hate dehisced
And you're someone I couldn't care about
Caught in the mix
Guilty
Shameful
You'll never learn
I'll never
I'll never
I'll never, ever fucking learn
I am not a man
I am not a home
I am a black hole