Well, I can't afford to pay this month's rent
On cigarettes and booze, all my money's been spent
That letter from the bailiffs looks quite serious
How those people sleep at night is quite mysterious
I've got a payment plan for the electricity
By Christmas I will have paid them off, Christmas 2033
My Mum gave me a tenner to buy dinner for the night
But I put every penny on Black 29
Now I've got no money to buy food and
Wine and I'm just hanging out in Aisle 5
There's an unexpected item in my bagging area
I don't know how it got there-ea
The man is coming over and it's getting scarier
I think this machine must be broken.
Well, I'm no thief. Stealing is really not my style
Those self-checkouts they really drive me wild
You can swap the labels around at the deli-counter
I feel a bit like Jesus when I put wine through as water
You can pretend to scan something, make the beeping with your mouth
It doesn't feel wrong because noone really misses out
So I was just finalising the details of my plan
Filling up my basket with real pork ham
When suddenly I looked up and there was my friend's Mum
And in the light of Aisle 5, she looked weirdly attractive
There's an unexpected item in my private area
I don't know how it got there-ea
Now she's coming over and it's getting scarier
I think my morals have broken.
She's looking at my shopping and says "Wow,
You must be plush!
I've got a full time job and I can't afford that stuff"
I said "We only ever have 'Taste The Difference' of
Course! I never get the basics brands, I don't like horse"
Then I realise she was quite delighted.
All the premium branded food was getting her excited
So she takes me by the hand, I try to explain "I'm just not ready!"
But she makes a make-shift bed out boxes of Frosted Shreddies
Half an hour later I'm praying it doesn't turns blue
I don't know how I feel about stealing for two.
There's an unexpected item in her bagging area
I don't know how it got there-ea
The midwife's coming over and it's getting scarier
But it know my machines isn't broken.