People keep asking me why I do things that I do In all of this measuring influence I forgot you You and me hiding behind the Monhegan Hotel And you told me things that nobody around me would tell That was the summer when everyone touched me at once One day they ignored me The next, they were all down my pants But you were in bed with me, safe, before anyone else You opened beside me And held me when I needed help You and me lying together at night in my room You've been inside me forever, Judy Blume I couldn't carry a tune but I thought I could sing No one had told me that thoughts were a good or bad thing But I started noticing grown-ups would smile and cringe You taught me that you could say anything you could think I don't remember my friends from gymnastics class But I remember when Deenie was at the school Dance, Buddy feeling her up in the locker room Margaret, bored, counting hats in the synagogue Davey was stirring the tea that she wouldn't drink Tony was watching his so-called friend shoplifting All of them lived in my head, quietly whispering You are not so strange I don't remember the details of seventh grade All I remember is lying and being afraid But I don't forget Katherine and Michael were going all the way Steph on the scale in the bathroom alone that day Karen pretending to puke so her dad would stay Margaret arguing with God while she masturbated All of them mixed up in my head like a love letter All of those saying: Amanda you know better You are not to blame The world's a frightening place So go on and think how you want You will not be alone with your thoughts Well you will, but you won't in a way 'Cause a girl thought it too in a book that the library bought People will keep asking me why I do things like I do And from now on I'll tell them Nick Cave and I'll talk about you Judy, I can't believe sometimes that I'm an adult And the girls like I was think that I have this shit figured out You and me lying together at night in my room You'll be inside them forever, Judy Blume